Blue Christmas, why??

It is 4am and I am still awake. It doesn't matter that last night we were up until 1:30am putting together a dollhouse, workbench and high chair for the little ones and then got up at 6:30am with the kiddos and D to check out Christmas gifts...I am still awake. It was a kind of sad Christmas today (well, technically yesterday, but since I havent been to bed, it still feels like Christmas day). Drew was sick all day long. My sister and her husband had car trouble and couldn't make it to be here with us. My mom had something come up and we can't see her or my littlest sister tomorrow (or today, however you look at it). We got some bad news about a friend. My grandma had two strokes. All on Christmas. I was feeling uber sorry for myself and was having panic attacks tonight when it hit me: I am being so incredibly self centered. It's CHRISTMAS, and I should be celebrating the birth of our Savior!! He suffered so much more than I ever will so that I will be able to be with our Father in Heaven when my body fails me. He surely didn't have to. I definitely don't deserve His love, grace and devotion, let alone for God to send His only Son to die for my own sins. I am so thankful and blessed and here I am feeling sorry for myself...not cool! God has an amazing plan for me and my life, just like He does for everyone else and I am so thankful for that. I need to stop trying to control everything, like I always do (thanks to being too anal and an obsessive planner) and I need to surrender my life to Him. It's so hard for me but whenever I try to take the reigns from Him, I fail miserably! We may be going through some struggles right now but in the big picture, they're no biggie! Christ's love is enough for me, and man that love is a beautiful thing :-) I need to count my blessings: a loving and devoted husband, three BEAUTIFUL children (one of which had his first Christmas today...yay!), a nice home, the freedom that I enjoy from being a part of the country that I live in, knowing so many wonderful fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, and the list could go on and on. As I count my blessings, I need to work towards being a blessing to others, showing how amazingly powerful God's love truly can be. I want to spread the good news, the beautiful story of Christ and how He came to walk with us to teach us how God would have us to live, to show us what grace really means and to show us the nature of our Heavenly Father. He never fails me and I want to be so much more than I am for Him...I want to be a bright light for our Lord! So here is my prayer for this early morning in which I have not slept a bit :-) I pray that I am continually and joyfully praising the Lord in all things, the good and bad. I pray that I never become so complacent in my life and faith that I stop trying to learn more about God, to become closer to Him, to be a light for Him. I pray that I stop being so self centered and focus on God's plan for my life instead of my own. I pray that D and I continue to work on our marriage and to put Christ in the center of it. I pray that we can be a good example for those whose marriages are struggling to see that God really can get a marriage through anything and can create a continually strong bond between a man and a woman devoted to Him. I pray that my children see God's love in me as I raise them to fear the Lord. I pray fervently that they become believers, our brothers and sisters in Christ. I pray that my family stays healthy and strong so that we can have the energy to serve the Lord in all that we do together. I pray that God will use me and my family to bring others to know Him and to strengthen marriages and families through our actions and devotion to Him. Goodnight all, and I hope that you all have had an extremely blessed Christmas, even if it seemed a little blue :-p God is good all the time and all the time, God is good!